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Vol.4. NO.10 ...........................................................Pages 8and 9
Stages of Life and How to Cope. GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE, THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED: 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. 2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair. 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person. 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato. 5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food. 6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. 7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time. 8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. 9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. 10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap. GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE, THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED: 1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree. 2) Wrinkles don't hurt. 3) Families are like fudge . . . mostly sweet, with a few nuts. 4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground. 5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside. 6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy. GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD 1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. 2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get. 3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there. 4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from roller coaster. 5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. 6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. 7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone. THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE: 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus. SUCCESS: At age 4 success is . . . . not peeing in your pants. At age 12 success is . . . having friends. At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license. At age 20 success is . . . having sex. At age 35 success is . . . having money. At age 50 success is . . . having money. At age 60 success is . . . having sex. At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license. At age 75 success is . . . having friends. At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants. ~PASS THIS ON TO SOME WHO COULD USE A LAUGH~ :
Eco Versity 505-424-9797 Santa Fe Movie Making in New MexicoIf You Film It,
They Will Come by Ron Ramsey
A Time To Sow The Local 480 Film Union might consider adopting a motto: “Movies bring money, money brings members.” Since Summer 2002, seven major projects have been filmed in New Mexico. After a few lean years, the membership of Local 480 has again swelled. Yet, Summer 2003 has been quiet as far as movie projects, triggering old fears. Fears that it will all go away again. Not to worry, it is the calm before the storm, or the eye of the hurricane. 18 months ago, maybe 20 folks would show for union meetings, mainly for the free pastries. August’s meeting drew nearly 60. September, too. One of the issues discussed was the Film Training Program. A collaborative effort between the Dept. of Labor, the NM Film Commission, and the Local 480, the program is designed to develop new skilled film crew members. To keep the films flowing into NM, trained technicians are needed. You can’t find experienced dolly grips among the day labor pool in the park. While still working bugs out, the program has been a success.
Lotta poor
man got to walk the line, just to pay his union dues. --Jerry Garcia Like your grandfather who never forgot The Great Depression, some of the older, wizened union members, perhaps remembering the lean years, are concerned. They worry that a newly minted younger technician might take their future job. This is a hard truth many of us face. In the 21st century you ain’t really lived unless you been downsized. If you’re over 50, maybe learn to bag groceries as a fall back. Another item on the agenda is the “Mentoring Program”. A qualified trainee can be taken under the wing of a highly experienced crew member, a Key Grip perhaps, to learn a particular trade. The Department of Labor is developing funding for this program. Ultimately, the plan is for the Training Program to be turned over to the local schools, UNM, C of S. Fe, etc. These are great things they are trying to achieve, especially heroic in the midst of the ugly spectacle that is Bush’s America. You can take anything, a political idea, a lifestyle, a religious belief, even your polo shirt, and somebody, somewhere is against it. In the case of the Film Training Program, and the Film Finance Fund, there are concerned citizens outside the movie industry who wonder: “Why are we spending this money? Why are we giving money to the Movies, when they already have so much?” A brief lesson in Economics: These programs bring a clean industry to New Mexico. Think of flowing water. Film Projects bring in money, lots of it. That money flows from out-of-state into New Mexico and gets spent, again and again. This is millions of dollars we’re talking about. When the crew members make money, they don’t hoard it, they spend it. The boom operator gets money, buys a car. The car salesman gets commission, and buys a nice 27” television. The TV salesman takes his wife out for dinner. Etc. Every time the money gets spent, it gets taxed. It is just like the Predatory Food Chain, but in reverse. This is not Trickle Down, this is Raging River. When money flows, all is well in the garden. When money dams up, we become Brazil. Simple. A Time To ReapThe flow of movies into NM is not stopping anytime soon. On the immediate horizon is ‘Elvis Has Left The Building’. Although Elvis sightings have been reported in Roswell, this project began filming in Albuquerque September 15th. They are expecting a five 6-day-week schedule. Through Movie Magic, Albuquerque will become Los Angeles. Through more Movie Magic, Billy Ray Cyrus will act. Joel Zwick will direct. This is the first movie to implement the Inplant Training Program. And it is reportedly working. The fresh trainees are doing great work “The shoot is going fast and funny,” reported a crew member. “And there are pink Cadillacs all over the place.” ‘Around The Bend’ has been postponed, because of Christopher Walken’s schedule. At this time the principles include Michael Caine, Christopher Walken, and Josh Lucas. Lucas, described by an anonymous source as: “…a goofy little teenybeat heartthrob.” is actually 6’2”. He was seen in ‘American Psycho’. A true American Psycho, Chris Walken, a.k.a. Ronnie Walken, was George Lucas's second choice for the role of Han Solo in Star Wars. Walken always tries to work a jig into his movies. He once told an interviewer: "Bear costumes are funny... Bears as well." Michael Caine recently told a NY reporter: "Nudity in films is undignified. ... I didn't spend 20 years learning how to do something only to have people stare at my bottom." Often, until all contracts are signed, until the project is “Set-set”, as they say in Hollywood, folks can be very secretive about upcoming movies. It is the thrill of being an Insider. So the other possible project in the pipeline I must refer to as ‘X’. If ‘X’ exists, it was written by a New Mexico resident. All I can say about the lead actor is that he has experience with garbage. Another possible project looms: ‘Mall Cop’. To be principally shot at Winrock Mall. The title should be enough to decide if this is something you ever want to see.
The Cutting Of The Haggis Last month, Jon Hendry, Business Agent for Local 480, and Director of the Department of Interesting Things, went to Scotland. Reportedly, Jon attended the Edinburgh Film Festival. There is no truth to the rumor that he was honored by high officials of the Masonic Lodge at a secret ritual, where Jon was presented with a colorful hand-stitched Masonic Vest, replete with Illuminati symbols, for his mediation in the conflict between the Knights Templar and the Catholic Church. The Scottish Mafia had no comment. Meanwhile, the Scottish Rite Temple Plan is on the back burner. Currently under consideration as a NM Film Museum location is a deserted shack in Agua Fria Village. The shack has good access, lots of parking, Twenty-two points, plus triple-word-score, plus fifty points for using all my letters. Game's over. I'm outta here. But it’s missing half the roof. Also unsubstantiated is Jon’s long term dream of turning New Mexico into a Socialist Democracy, with full employment, free health care, and a new muffler for any citizen who needs one. This would require New Mexico’s secession from the Union, the long term effects of which are unknown. Make good
money, five dollars a day, made anymore I might move
away. —Jerry Garcia
Are You Sarah Conner? In California, the LA film unions are desperate to pass laws to help California compete with the New Mexico film incentive program. California, of course, blew all their money on electricity. No one anywhere has sympathy for LA. Except Arnold Schwarzenegger, who is trolling the film community for votes. Arnold vows to help. “I vill terminate all henemies of California business heconomy,” said the True Liar. “Especially New Mexico. Zey are all Heepies out zere. I vell eraze zem. Zo long, dickwads!”.”
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Inside This Issue Americanos: Latino Life in the United States…........……1 Another Mistake…....……..10 Book Review……..………15 Call Girl…………...……….7 Cat-Astroph…...….12 Follow Up to Open Letter...................4 How Bush Won the 20044 Election………....…11 Loose Labeling……...……..6 Mommy’s Little Angel…..............15 Naked Lunch………....…...12 New Film Instructors.......……6 North Central NM Events..................3 Objective Science Does NOT Exist Here……….............5 Resolution Opposing Modern Pit Facility........……7 Roosevelt vs. Bush……................9 Solar Fiesta 2003……...........…..1 “Smart Bomb” Technology Moving to China……..........….5 Translations……….12 Unclassifieds….…….7 Use It & Pay For It…….................…7 Volcanic Activity in Espaņola Valley?…….........…3 Who Was It?……..........………10 |
