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Vol.4. NO.10 ......................................................Pages 10 and 11 Teaching Children Not to be
Victims of Bullies When
school ended this past spring, there were reports in the
local media about school and teenage violence. Yet, with
all the focus that has surrounded teenage gangs and gun
violence, it may be easy to forget that the teenage years
are not the only times that children face violent
behavior. In fact, aggressive behavior and bullying are
more common in elementary school than in junior and
senior high, with studies suggesting that being a victim
is the most common in second grade. Bullying behavior is
at its peak in the first few months of the school year,
as children vie for power among their peers. It is
therefore extremely important that parents and school
officials intervene early in
the school year to prevent bullying. Every
child I see in my practice reports being bullied. This
isn’t because I’m the bully doctor. Rather,
children who are picked on tend to develop moderate to
severe psychological symptoms. This can include
depression, increased anger, school failure, refusing to
go to school, physical ailments, or sleep problems. For
children who already suffer from physical or mental
handicaps, their anxiety, rage, and sadness intensifies
when they are being bullied. All
children get teased or taunted by other children at some
point in their lives. Bullying, on the other hand, is
extreme behavior, ranging from teasing, to stealing lunch
money, to a group of students physically abusing a
classmate. Bullies acquire power over their victims in
many ways: by physical size and strength, by status
within the peer group, by knowing the victim’s
weaknesses, or making fun of the victim in front of
others. With bullying, the bully’s dominance is
established when the victim becomes distressed and
fearful. Bullying is systematic and routine, lasting
weeks or even months. Bullies
tend to come from families that have little warmth or
affection. These families report trouble sharing their
feelings, and most of the members do not see themselves
as very close. Parents of bullies tend to use
inconsistent discipline and little monitoring of where
their children are throughout the day. Rigid physical
punishment, conflict between siblings, and violence are
also common in the families of bullies. Ironically, the
very bullies who torment other children are quite often
themselves victims of violence, abuse or neglect, caused
either by other peers or by adults. They feel powerless
in their own world and therefore try to experience some
sense of power by picking a vulnerable child and bullying
them. Interestingly, victims and bullies have much in
common. Like the bully, the victim also tends to be a
child who is the outsider of the social scene. The
traditional advice given to children who were being
bullied was that they should either ignore it or else
stand up to their tormentors. We know that this
doesn’t always work. Bullying is usually done in
secret, away from the eyes of adults. Boys usually bully
boys, while girls bully in groups. Boy bullies tend to
resort to one-on-one aggression, while girls tend to
bully as a group through social exclusion and the
spreading of rumors. Lately, it has become common for
girls to circulate “slam books,” notebooks that
are given to others in the peer group in which comments
and criticisms are written about particular individuals.
Kids who are being bullied need adults to step in when
bullying starts, because if they could solve it on their
own, they would. We need to know that kids don’t
learn any valuable lessons from being bullied, and that
the best way to beat a bully is to avoid being a victim.
Bullies thrive on the fact that their victims are too
afraid and embarrassed to report them, often because they
don’t want to be seen as a tattle-tell. There
are tips parents and teachers can offer children about
bullying. First off, all children need to be taught
strategies for dealing with any kind of harassment. Kids
should learn to ignore comments and teasing, and that it
is ok to shout at someone, ‘Go away!’
‘Buzz off!’ ‘Leave me alone!’ or
‘Don’t touch me!’ Bullies delight in their
victims being scared, and they don’t want others to
see them being embarrassed. Children should be taught to
stay out of bathrooms, hallways or streets where they
might be alone with a bully. Instead, it is best if the
child spends time with groups of other children. Children
who are loners are at great risk of being bullied.
Parents and teachers need to work toward finding ways of
reducing the isolation these children experience. A
frank talk with kids about the meaning of true friendship
is important. Bullying usually involves more than the
bully and the victim. Though most students report that
watching bullying makes them feel uncomfortable, they may
support the act by passively watching or cheering.
Children should know that friends don’t stand and
watch someone hurt or bother one of their friends.
Instead, they try to stop the bullying, escort their
friend away from the situation, or get help from an
adult. Since
most victims don’t tell their parents they are being
bullied, it’s necessary for parents to take an
active approach to this issue. Children can be reminded
to report any situations, even mild one’s, where
another child is saying or doing something mean. It can
help to say, “Sometimes kids pick on other kids. Has
this happened to you?” or “The person picking
on you is the problem, not you.” Parents should
support the efforts the child took to handle the problem,
paying attention to whether they need to get involved.
While it may be enough to say, “You handled that
great! I’ll bet he won’t bother you
again,” some situations may require that the parent
do more. Parents
should contact the school if their child is being
bullied, but they shouldn’t expect school personnel
to solve the problem on their own. It can be helpful to
ask the teacher or principal if there is a school policy
on bullying, adding that their child is being bothered.
This creates an opportunity for the school official to
share their perceptions of the child with the parent, and
to report whether they have observed the child being
bullied, or as is sometimes the case, doing things that
provoke other children. Parents are encouraged to give
the school a reasonable amount of time to work out minor
problems, usually no more than three days. In cases of a
major harassment situation such as a physical or sexual
assault, parents should call the police immediately. The
school cannot be expected to ‘police’ major
infractions. Parents
might consider asking their child’s teacher if they
engage the class in discussions on bullying behavior,
since this can prevent problems before they occur.
Bullying is less prevalent in schools where the staff
openly acknowledges a no-bullying policy. Kids who are
bullied also report greater trust in the teacher’s
ability to intervene when the subject is talked about in
class. If a parent feels that the teacher is
non-responsive to their concerns, they can speak with or
write to the principal, school board members, local
newspapers, or even the Superintendent. Most
bullying is still considered a school discipline problem,
not criminal behavior. While children rarely sue other
children for threats, theft, or assault, it’s not a
far-fetched idea. At that point, bullying will probably
begin getting the kind of public attention now being
given to sexual harassment in schools. In the meantime,
parents should work to fight the problem head-on.
Christopher J. Alexander, Ph.D. is a child psychologist, with offices in Santa Fe and Albuquerque, New Mexico. For more information contact Dr. Alexander at 505-989-3
Keeping
Frankenseeds Out of Our Country Looking
to be the first GMO-free zone in the nation, residents of
Mendocino County in California have launched a ballot
initiative that would ban genetically engineered crops in
the county. Stores will still be allowed to stock foods
with GE ingredients, but keeping the county clean of GE
crops will protect local conventional and organic farmers
from being contaminated by drifting GE pollen. The
initiative will likely appear on the ballot in March
2004. http://www.organicconsumers.org/ge/mendocino_gmo_free.cfm
FILM INDUSTRY OFFICES SPACE FOR RENT----------SHORT OR LONG TERM FOR MORE INFORMATION CALL ORLANDO VIGIL 505-473-0669
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Inside This Issue Americanos: Latino Life in the United States…........……1 Another Mistake…....……..10 Book Review……..………15 Call Girl…………...……….7 Cat-Astroph…...….12 Follow Up to Open Letter...................4 How Bush Won the 20044 Election………....…11 Loose Labeling……...……..6 Mommy’s Little Angel…..............15 Naked Lunch………....…...12 New Film Instructors.......……6 North Central NM Events..................3 Objective Science Does NOT Exist Here……….............5 Resolution Opposing Modern Pit Facility........……7 Roosevelt vs. Bush……................9 Solar Fiesta 2003……...........…..1 “Smart Bomb” Technology Moving to China……..........….5 Translations……….12 Unclassifieds….…….7 Use It & Pay For It…….................…7 Volcanic Activity in Espaņola Valley?…….........…3 Who Was It?……..........………10 |
